Just in case you were wondering
Just in case you were wondering what I do all day, here is how I spent an hour and a bit this morning...
It’s fun to charter an accountant,
And sail the wide accountancy.
To find, explore the funds offshore,
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy.(Monty Python - The Meaning of Life)
After 3 days of trying and getting cut off - if I got through at all -
I tried again (ignoring HMRC's request to agents to spread their calls
throughout the day, rather than contact them first thing in the morning
when we tend to actually get through) and I managed to get a link for a webchat.
It went as well as could be expected in all of the circumstances...
Charlie: 8:35AM
Agent registering PAYE for clients - [DATES REDACTED] - no references back yet
HMRC: 8:35AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:37AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:38AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:40AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:41AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:43AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are I in the queue.
HMRC: 8:44AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:46AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:47AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
HMRC: 8:48AM
An adviser will be available soon
HMRC: 8:49AM
An adviser will be available soon
HMRC: 8:49AM
An adviser will be available soon
Claire: 8:50AM
Welcome to HMRC Webchat. You're speaking with Claire.
Claire: 8:50AM
Good Morning. My apologies if you have had a long wait to speak to with us today
Charlie: 8:50AM
Good morning Claire. I have registered two clients through agent services "register a client for new taxes" [DATES REDACTED] but haven't had PAYE references back yet
Charlie: 8:50AM
Can you give me PAYE references for them?
Claire: 8:51AM
Do you have the case ID or acknowledgement reference from the confirmation email, please?
Charlie: 8:51 AM
No. That system gives a confirmation page but no reference and no email
Claire: 8:55AM
If you didn't get a reference then we haven't received an application for a PAYE scheme
Charlie: 8:55AM
The system for agents to use - the agent services dashboard - doesn't give references
Charlie: 8:56AM
It sends you a structed email. We fill in the screen, print the "check details" page, hit the submit button and then print the confirmation page
Charlie: 8:57AM
The last time this happened (about a month ago) I phoned the helpline who searched for the application but didn't find it and we did it again in the phone
Claire: 8:57AM
There must be a confirmation ID number. We would need that to trace the application. It might be 8 digits long
Charlie: 8:58AM
No, that's the point. Its your system...
Claire: 9:00AM
We have 2 systems for setting up PAYE schemes, both of which give you application references to allow us to trace the application for whatever reason. If you're not given a reference number at the time of application then it would suggest to me that it hasn't been applied for and we have no way to trace it.
Claire: 9:00AM
If you give me the employers details I'll set them up just now for you
Charlie: 9:00AM
So can we do it now?
Claire: 9:01AM
If you give me the employers details I'll set them up just now for you
Charlie: 9:01AM
Thank you.
Charlie: 9:01AM
Name: [REDACTED] Company number: {REDACTED] UTR: [REDACTED] Registered office: [REDACTED] Trading address: [REDACTED] Director: [REDACTED] Details submitted on [REDACTED]
Charlie: 9:02AM
Sorry about the formatting!
You were disconnected. Please wait while we attempt to
reconnect you.
Sorry for the delay. An adviser should be with you soon.
HMRC: 9:07AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 5 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:08AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 5 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:10AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 4 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:11AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 4 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:13AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 4 in the queue.
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 4 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:16AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 4 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:17AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:19AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:20AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:22AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:23AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 2 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:25AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 2 in the queue.
HMRc: 9:26AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 2 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:28AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are I in the queue.
You're now talking to Colin
Colin: 9:28AM
Good morning, how can I help?
Charlie: 9:28AM
Colin, good morning. Can you read what I said before I was disconnected?
You were disconnected. Please wait while we attempt to
reconnect you.
Sorry for the delay. An adviser should be with you soon.
HMRC: 9:32AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:34AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:35AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:37AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:38AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 2 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:40AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 2 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:41AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 2 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:43AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 2 in the queue.
HMRC: 9:44AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are I in the queue.
HMRc: 9:46AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 1 in the queue.
You're now talking to Colin
Charlie: 9:46AM
Good morning, Colin
Charlie: 9:47AM
As an agent, how should I apply for a PAYE reference for a client?
I log in to agent services and follow the link to "register a client for new taxes". Is that not the right way to do it?
Charlie: 9:47AM
It is just that doing it that way doesn't seem to be working...
Charlie: 9:47AM
You were disconnected. Please wait while we attempt to reconnect you.
Sorry for the delay. An adviser should be with you soon.
HMRC: 9:48AM
Thank you for your patience, the next available adviser will be with you shortly. You are 3 in the queue.
...
THEN I WAS BUMPED OUT ENTIRELY AND ASKED TO COMPLETE A SURVEY.
YES, HMRC WANTED MY OPINION ON THEIR LEVEL OF SERVICE…
I answered, of course, 'though getting accused of lying didn't
help my demeanour. Never mind, we have the sunlit uplands
to look forward to. So we must brace ourselves, and bear ourselves and battle on...
“... if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States,
including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the
abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more
protracted, by the lights of perverted science. Let us therefore brace
ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British
Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will
still say, ‘This was their finest hour.’” (Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill)
Postscript: There was a happy ending, by the way. The next day I got through to the PAYE helpline in about 10 minutes and over the following 20 minutes we got these two clients' PAYE scheme set up and all the necessary references issued. And although the announcement said they were having technical difficulties, I didn't notice and I wasn't cut off at all.
So all in all I spent about 2 hours doing this. How much can I ask the clients to pay?